Boy, what a mess online dating has been this year. I decided from the outset that I was going to give it a “real go” for once and not just bail the first time I met some resistance. I’ve been ghosted and insulted more times in the past three months than I have been in the last decade but… well… at least I can say I have had some experiences! It also hasn’t really affected me the way it used to. I am confident in both my physical appearance and personality now, so when someone tries to ridicule or mock me I know that they’re probably in a pretty bad place mentally.
First there was “Giselle” the nurse from New Jersey. Things were going pretty well with her, we video chatted a few times and had pretty good conversations. Lots of laughter and very little awkward silence. From the outset she only texted me once a day at the most and I followed suit. It wasn’t difficult, actually. The old me, the boozer, would have become obsessed quickly and demanded to know why she wasn’t responding sooner. But now my life is full of things to focus on and it really doesn’t occur to me to text someone unless they text me first.
Unfortunately she stopped replying entirely about three weeks after we began talking and I gave up pretty quickly. I was bummed… she was by far the most attractive woman I’ve talked to in a long time. Hell, I’d go so far as to say she’s the only attractive woman I’ve talked to since my last relationship in 2014.
Next, and finally (sorry if you were expecting a longer string of encounters; trying to get to know someone over the internet is time consuming, especially when they just aren’t that interesting) was “Lori”. She and I went to high school together and she was now a divorced mother of two. This is generally not something I’m interested in on either count. The people I went to high school with are generally drug addicts and alcoholics by now and single mothers are pretty banal. All they’ve done for the past decade is raise children so it’s all they have to talk about. Nevertheless, I was willing to put aside my self-centeredness and go out with a “nice” (read overweight and entirely unattractive) girl for a change.
We did get along well at first. She liked my sense of humor and didn’t care about my past. My past is where most things usually fall apart. Or the fact that I’m almost 40 and live with my mother (because of my past). I don’t sleep with women immediately like I used to but after a couple weeks of talking and dates, we got intimate. She went totally nuts basically right afterward, talking about our futures together and how I now have a family. Still, I didn’t want to be the kind of cunt who has been ghosting me for the past several years so I stuck it out and tried to see if she was just temporarily dick-drunk.
It only got worse. After telling her well in advance that I had a race the next weekend and would be indisposed, she called and texted me exactly 41 times over the course of 4 hours. As much as I want to be ethical and compassionate, I blocked her number at that point. Looking back, there were plenty of red flags. For example, in her mind she was very much a victim in her divorce and that’s never reality. I know this from my job in a divorce court. She always wanted to call me right before bed which I indulged her in for a few nights and then finally gently let her know that I really wasn’t into talking to someone for an hour every night while I should be sleeping. She got unnecessarily defensive and depressed at this and that “people pleasing” personality of mine which has led to so many problems in my life poked it’s ugly head out again and I just put up with it. That should have been enough of a warning that she is codependent as fuck right there but, hey, I was lonely.
I am still on the apps but since I’ve swiped “no” on pretty much everyone in the state of Michigan by now, I don’t expect to get much more activity from them. I’ll be done with school this year; I should just wait til I move to a region with less sea monsters in it.